Senpai Suck My
by axelDANGERfrankenstein
Summary: "You think you're hot stuff just because you've got big oppai and a kawaii Russian accent? You think you can just swoop in and steal my kohai just by giving him a baka cunt cake? I've been noticing the shit out of him for years! I've earned some Shizuo penis dammit!" Shizuo/Varona fluff, one-sided Tom/Shizuo, gratuitous Japanese.
1. Chapter 1

Senpai Suck My Ass

Part 1: Notice me, sempai!

* * *

Varona lay in bed, staring at her phone. Her face was bright red and occasionally she would let out an adorable fangirl squee. Thoughts of her sempai and his cuteness were keeping her awake again, so she had to look at some pictures of Shizuo's beautiful face. "Kawaiiiiiiiii" she said to herself as she scrolled to a picture of him smoking a cigarette.

She hadn't always thought Sempai was kawaii. Vorona became his kohai so she could get close to him and then kill him. But he had thawed her icy kokoro with his overwhelming moe, and now she just wished that cigarette was her penis. She scrolled to a candid shot of Shizuo taking a nap and almost died from the kawaii. _I could stare at you all night, Sempai._ she thought. She needed to get some rest though. Tomorrow was a big day.

 _Valentine's day, the day I finally confess my rabu for Sempai._ She glanced nervously at the cake box on the table. Varona-chan didn't have much experience baking but she found instructions on the internet and it looked daijobu anyway. _Sempai will have to notice me if I give him a sugoi cake. I better get my beauty sleep so I can look kawaii for him._ Then she fapped herself to sleep.

* * *

The next morning she took a shower and then put on a kawaii sugoi outfit. She was wearing a pink and white sailor dress and pink ribbons in her hair. She grabbed the cake box and went to work. Shizuo was already there and so was Tom but no one cares about him and most of the fanfictions never mention him.

"Ohayo Shizuo-sempai" She said with much moe animu kuudere-ness.

"Ohayo Varona-chan." He noticed her animu schoolgirl outfit. "Why are you all dressed up? You look really kawaiiiiiiiiiiiii."

Varona-chan blushed deeply. _Sempai noticed meee~~and complimented meeee~~!_ It gave her confidence. _Maybe Sempai will accept my cake and rabu. Well he'll probably accept the cake anyway he likes cake._

"Shizuo-sempai can I talk to you arone for a minute desu?" she asked and glared at Tom.

"Ok. Fuck off Tom-san."

"Yeah nobody likes you Tom-san-kun-chan."

Tom left to do whatever Tom does and left them alone. "Sempai, do you know what today is?"

"Eh?...It's February something."

Varona giggled like a kawaii japanese schoolgirl desu. "It's Varentinesu day, baka!"

"Oh, is that why you're dlessed like that? Did you get a boyfliend or something uguu?"

"Ie...Sempai, I made you a kawaii sugoi cake!" she said and shoved the box towards his facu. "Daisuki! #"

"Eeeeeeeh?!" Shizu chan sempai said like a shocked animu shojo because he had low self esteem aw :(

"But I suck desu." He said (aww seeeempaaaaiii I just wanna hug him nyaaaa~~~)

"No you don't you're really moe and I want to suck your penis!"

"...What?"

"You're moe uguu. I didn't say anything about your penisu. Eat your cake."

So they took the cake out and fed each other and it was very kawaii and kind of sexy. Tom watched them from behind a corner and cried and masturbated because he secretly was in rabu with Shizuo for many desu years. Then they all lemembeled they had jobs so they put the cake up and Tom put his penisu away and they went out to take peopre's money or whatever.

While they were walking to some assuhoru's house Shizuo and Vorona held hands and Tom graled at them but they didn't notice because they were looking at each other's booties.

 _Stop getting so handsy with Shizuo you fucking cunt,_ Tom thought, _you think you're hot stuff just because you've got big oppai and a kawaii Russian accent? You think you can just swoop in and steal my kohai just by giving him a baka cunt cake? I've been noticing the shit out of him for years! I've earned some Shizuo penis dammit! Nipaa! Why won't he notice me! Kohai, please notice me!_

They arrived at the guy's house to get his money desu. He called Shizuo a wanker and got a bus thrown at him and probably died and they had to use all the money they took from him to bribe the cops.

* * *

During their runch bleak, Shizuo and Varona shared a crepe and had indirect kissu while Tom watched them and cried again. Then Izaya came out from behind nothing in particular.

"Daddy spank me," he said.

"Fuck off Izaya-kun, this one's not about you."

"Hai we're trying to have indirect kissu,"

"Stab the bitch, Izaya!" Tom said but nobody heard him so it was ok.

"Are you cheating on me Shizu-chan?! Why won't you spank me?! Daddy~~?!"

Shizuo yelled "I'm not your Dad!" and threw a bench at Izaya but he dodged and ran away and wasn't in this fanfiction again nya.

* * *

 **A/N: The title comes from a pewdiepie song that I can't put a link to cuz its ffn. It's so catchy and now it gets stuck in my head whenever someone says sempai. It's also spelled 'senpai' sometimes, but I looked it up and apparently they both can work or something idk. I also wasn't sure how to spell Varona chan's name since a lot of people spell it 'Vorona' but the official stuffs seems to use 'Varona' but Russian is confusing I don't know ^-^ Twist: what if they're both wrong and it's actually supposed to be Marklar?**


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2/3: Be gentle

Warning: sexytimes

* * *

Marklar waited in front of a fountain. Today was their day off and her first real datu with Sempai. She was wearing a sekushi dynomite red dress and no pantsu. Then she saw Shizuo cumming towards her. He was wearing the same thing he always wears but it was also sekushi so it was ok. Tom was hiding in the bushes with binoculars.

 _Stop acting like you're so sekushii with your baka whore dress you baka gaijin bitch uguuuuu nipaaaaa._ He inner monologued and smashed the binoculars because he was so jelly.

Shizu-chan and Marklar went to movie theater and watched Zombie Ass, a beautiful, artsy Japanese film about ass zombies. They shared a soda and a candy bar and a cotton candy and a lollipop and had many indirect kissu. They were so in love and also hungry that they barely paid attention to the ass zombie on screen.

After movie ended, they bought an icu cream cone and found a place to sit and eat it. It was vanilla icu creamu, because it's the same color as semen and thereforu sekushii if it melts and gets all over kawaii girls face and looks like they got semened on desu. They were both licking ice creamu and had animu blushies from their tongues being so close to each other, only separated by the quickly shrinking semen cream.

After finishing snacku, they looked at each other awkwardly and then Shizuo suddenly gave Marklar direct kissu! Marklar-chan was surprised for a moment and then kissed him back. His mouth tasted like a combination of sugar, cigarettes, and sexy manliness but mostly sugar and cigarettes. _Huh...Sempai is really unhealthy, isn't he?_ she thought. But it still made her heart go doki doki and she got a girl boneru.

* * *

After direct kissu, Shizuo walked Marklar home and she invited him in for beveragu. Then they started to make out more, It was so sexy that they made boners.

"Yaranaika?" Shizuo asked kawaiily.

"It's ok if it's with Sempai." she replied. Shizu-chan shyly pulled off her dress and then looked at her heavenly naked body while she blushed.

"You're so beautiful" he said and lovingly caressed her ochinchin.

"Kyaaaa~seeempai~~~" she moaned as he started to suck it desu. Then he sucked her ass like in the song. But Shizuo was have too much boner so he took off his clothes sexily.

"It's so big~~" said Marklar when she saw his chinchin. "Sempai, i-it's my first time, so be gentle onegai."

"Hai. I'm putting it in now, Marklar-chan," he said and put his chinchin in her bum. (Disclaimeru: spit doesn't make good lube in real life. This is just fanfiction hentai so it works but don't put anything up your bum without lube it won't be as fun as in hentai) _Marklar's anus is so tight,_ he thought. Then he started to sex her while she screamed with sexiness.

"Sempai's inside me," they had to point out everything that was happening in dialogue because Japanese law makes them blur everything of interest unless it's tentacle because tentacle kind of looks like penisu but isn't.

"My hips are moving on their own!" said Shizuo.

"Sempai, iku!" They both semen all over the place.

After cleaning up semen, Shizuo was smoking a cigarette because that's what peeps do after they sex. Marklar was staring at him lovingly.

"You're so kawaii," She said and hugged him. "Aishiteru."

"Aishiteru," he said back and then put his cigarette out and then kissed her. They fell asleep all cute and cuddly.

* * *

The next day they went to work together. Tom-san-sempai-sama was in such a bad mood that they finally noticed even though they were so horny for each other desu.

"Tom what's wrong?" They asked.

He knew what they did last nighto because he had broke into both of their dwellings and put hidden cameras so he could watch Shizuo's moeness when he was sleeping and bathing and jacking off, and so he could plot his revenge on Marklar. But he didn't tell them that and they went to work and caused a lot of property damage but nobody cared apparently.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3: Nandeeee?!

* * *

Marklar was cooking food and wearing an apron with nothing under it like sekushii mango girls in fanservicy episodu. She had been dating Shizuo for a few weeks now and moved in togetheru so they could sex more. She was waiting for Shizuo to come home so she could gleet him at the door in her apron and say something kawaii like, 'Welcome home, Sempai! Do you want dinner, a bath, or my body?' and then sex him. _Wait, won't food get cold while we're doing sex? Ok, food_ _ **then**_ _sex. Yes, and the food will give us much energy for sexing. The perfect keikaku._ (Note: keikaku means plan.) Then Marklar heard someone opening the door and got excited.

* * *

Shizuo was walking home from his doctor appointment about his hips moving on their own but doctors were stumped. He heard a nya and looked where it was coming from. There was a kawaii neko in a box. He went to pet it.

"Kawaiiiiiii."

"Nya." replied the neko.

After he'd pet it enough Shizuo started to leave but neko-chan followed him. Then he remembered a conversation he had with Marklar the other day.

 _They were eating cake and ice cream again and Shizuo got spilled some on himself. Marklar was staring at him and giggled. "Sempai, you would have the most kawaii babies ever!" She squeed but then her face fell. "I wish one of us had a vagina desu," she admitted. Shizuo hugged her._

" _It's ok, we could always get a cat or something. Cats are kind of like babies, right? They're tiny and poop a lot, they're basically the same thing."_

 _Marklar smiled. "Hai." Then they screwed like adorable bunnies all night long._

Shizuo picked the neko up. "You're gonna come home with me and be our fluffy baby and fill the void, ok?" he asked and scratched its ears cutely.

"Nya." said neko.

"That sounded like a yes," he turned it over and looked at its crotch so he'd know what to call it, "Aw, kitty balls. Ok, you're our son now, let's go. Actually, I should probably buy cat food before I take you home." So he took neko to pet store to get neko stuff.

A little while later, he awkwardly opened the door to their apartment since he was holding the neko and a bag of neko food and a poop box and other neko stuff. "I'm home," he said and took his shoes off because Japanese people do that.

"Welcome home, Shizuo-kuuun~~!" he heard from the other room.

"...Tom-san? What are you doing here?" He went greet him but stopped in the doorway. The room looked all messed up like someone was fighting in it. Tom was standing in the middle of the room, smiling creepily with a vacant look in his eyes, and wearing something really gross and bloody. Also there was what appeared to be a skinned corpse laying on the floor.

"Tom-san, what happened?"

"I made myself look like the kind of guy you like, desu nipaaaa. Will you love me now, kohai?" He reached for Shizuo. "Please love me, kohai, uguuuuu."

Shizuo glanced back and forth between the corpse to what Tom was wearing. It was meaty on the inside but the outside parts that weren't obscured by blood were soft and white, and there was blonde hair on parts of it. He was wearing Marklar's skin.

* * *

Weeks Later:

Yuuhei was microwaving random things but was worried because his brother Shizuo was in prison for murdering and skinning his transvestite girlfriend and their cow orker Jim, and Yuuhei had to buy him lawyers. He didn't think his brother really killed girlfriend but he had history of violence and had apparently been bribing cops but different not bribed cops wanted to arrest him. Then he got a phone call.

"Hello this is prison. Your brother hung himself to death in his cell and died."

"Oh...is he ok?"

"No, he's dead. We're sorry for your loss."

"Shouldn't the guards have stopped him or something?"

"We will investigate this oversight and give everyone involved waffles."

But they didn't care but then Yuuhei sued them and won because he was rich and hired the megalawyers from lawyeria.

* * *

BAD END


End file.
